As told by Tom Coleman
I've known Tilou for over 30 years, and in all that time I never gave a thought thought that that old bachelor would ever get married. But then one day he surprised me. He told me that he met the girl of his dreams, and he couldn't wait for me to meet her, too.
He introduced me to her the very next night – at their wedding!
Now who in the world meets a girl and marries her two days later? Tilou, that's who.
Talk about strange, huh? But do you know what was stranger than that?
Elle est une 'tee jolie catain.
She was a pretty little thing! And Tilou is what we call vilain! That's ugly with a capital UG!
It must have been love because Tilou ain't got no money, that's for sure.
After their honeymoon Tilou came back to work, and I could tell something was the matter, but I didn't want to pry, you know?
Finally he asked me, "Taba, you been married a long time, right?"
"Just about all my life," I laughed. He didn't laugh back.
"Well, tell me. When y'all sleeping does your wife get up in the middle of the night for a glass of water or something?"
"Or something, yeah."
"And then she comes running in the house right before sun up, jumps in the bed and pulls the cover over her head..."
"WHOA, wait a minute, Tilou! You trying to tell me that your wife goes out every night and don't come back home til right before sunrise? Tell, me when you see her jump in bed, is her hair all crooked and sideways; and is her face all messed up like it been put on wrong?"
"Yeah, kinda crooked...."
"Aw man, Tilou. I believe you done married yourself a Boo Hag!"
"A boo hag? What's that!?"
"Man, a boo hag is a evil spirit what disguises itself like a pretty woman. When nighttime comes she gets out of her human skin and goes hagging. She looks for young lives that she can suck the breath out of; suffocates them to death. Then out of meanness she'll go find an old man and pluck every hair out of his head. Believe me! One got a hold of me one time but I beat her off so she didn't finish the job. But let me tell you, Boo Hags is mean.
"Oh no, Taba, I'm a dead man." he cried.
"Naw, she's not gonna bother you. You part of her disguise. But you gotta find out if she's really a boo hag. When she goes out at night you go look under your front steps or your porch. That's where they usually put their skin after they take it off. Now if you find it, that's the only way you can get rid of her. You take that skin and fill it up with red pepper and hot sauce. The boo hag can't get back in it when she returns. And if the sun catches a boo hag without her skin on, well, your problems will be over."
So Tilou went home scared and upset. He look at his new bride with different eyes. He watched every move that she made and looked twice at each piece of food she cooked. And I don't have to tell you when they went to bed that night, Tilou didn't close his eyes once.
Sure enough, in the middle of the night he felt the covers pulled down and heard her get out of bed. Through the bedroom door and down the stairs he heard her footsteps go, and then out the front door.
Tilou ran downstairs and listened at the keyhole of the front door. He heard a rustling sound on the porch and then heard her going down the walk through the front gate.
After waiting a little while he ran outside and crouched under the steps feeling around in the darkness. But nothing was there. Immediately, Tilou felt a big relief.
But when he groped under the porch he felt something else, yeah. He grabbed a big piles of what felt like rags, but they was cold and clammy. He pulled out a big pile of skin! He unrolled that skin right on the front porch, and it looked just like his wife with all the air sucked out of her.
"Aw no! I really married a boo hag!" Tilou wept.
But he remembered what he had to do so he filled the inside of that skin full of red pepper and hot sauce and rubbed it in good, like he was seasoning a fish for a courtboullion. Then he rolled the skin back up and put it back under the porch. He went inside and waited.
Sure enough, right before sun up, he heard the front gate slam and footsteps on the walk. There was some rustling around under the porch, and then he heard his wife's voice.
"Ouch! Skin, skin, you know me! Skin, it's me! Why won't you let me put you on? Ouch, you're burning me!!!"
Tilou could see through the side window that the sun was fixin' to come up and he knew that pretty soon his problems would be over. Little did he know they were just beginning!
All of a sudden he heard footsteps running across the porch to the door! He flew up them stairs like a squirrel with his tail on fire. I bet not one of his feet hit those stairs, no!
As he jumped into bed, he heard the front door slam and more footsteps racing up the stairs. Then it jumped into bed under the cover right next to Tilou!
Tilou was shaking like a garage sale weedeater! He was about to have a nervine smashdown. So he did the only thing he could do... he jumped out of bed!
He pretended to yawn and stretch.
"Well, it's time to get up." He looked at the big lump under the cover. "You wanna come drink some coffee with me, (gulp) sweetheart?" he asked his wife carefully.
In a sweet voice the lump replied, "No, I'm not feeling too well this morning. I think I'll stay in bed until I feel better."
"If you not feeling good, maybe I should go get the doctor...."
"NOOOOOO!" a loud deep voice came from under the covers. "No doctor, we can't afford no doctor right now. I'll be OK."
So Tilou left that house and came meet me to tell me what happened.
I said, "Tilou, I never heard of a boo hag living in the daytime without her skin. Man, I don't know what else to do now but go get the traiteur."
Now, a traiteur is a very special holy person that can heal people and ward off bad spirits. When we told the traiteur the story, he said he never heard of such a thing either.
"I'm gonna have to see this for myself to decide what to do," he said. "But I'm too busy right now and can't come to your house til after supper."
So we waited until after dark and finally the traiteur arrived. Tilou showed him the skin under the porch right where she left it, then we all went inside. Quietly we walked up the stairs and peeked in the bedroom door. The lump under the covers hadn't moved an inch since Tilou left that morning.
Tilou walked up to the bed and gently asked, "Uh, sweetheart. You wanna come downstairs for some supper?"
A little meek voice replied, "No, I'm still not feeling well. I think I'll just stay in bed til morning."
"Well, I figure you would still be feeling bad," Tilou said, "so instead of the doctor... I brought the TRAITEUR!"
"YOU WHAT!!!!!!" the deep voice bellowed.
And with that the traiteur reached over and pulled the covers completely off the bed.
We all jumped back like our eyeballs had caught on fire! There in the middle of the bed was the Boo Hag, looking like a big pile of raw meat, just a pulsin' and oozing.
The traiteur reached in his bag and pulled out a little bottle of holy water and splashed it on the evil creature. She let out a wail that like to split our eardrums. That boo hag stood straight up in bed! Then it flew right out of the bedroom window into the night.
We all stared at the window in silence.
"Well, I never seen one do that." the traiteur said.
"Tilou, I'm afraid you in big trouble now. She don't have a disguise and she aint' foolin' you no more. There's only one thing you can do now. Go get a broom and place it on your front porch. Then pray."
"A broom!" Tilou cried. "What's a broom gonna do?"
"Just do it. It's your only hope."
So Tilou put the broom on his porch and then we left him alone. Hey, I'm his good friend; I'm not coullion (stupid).
Tilou waited inside by the front door just like the night before. Sure enough right before morning he heard the front gate slam and footsteps come up the walk. They walked across the front porch and Tilou waited for the front door to open. But nothing happened. It was quiet.
He looked out the window to the porch and there he saw that old boo hag leaning over that broom. She was plucking every straw out of the broom like it was the hair on an old man's head!
Tilou watched as she plucked them straws until there was only three left! When she plucked that last one, Tilou prayed. The boo hag got up to open the front door, but at that very moment the sun came peeking over the trees.
Tilou heard a loud cry and then silence again. When he looked out the window the boo hag was gone.
Tilou still lives in that big old house all by himself with his old tomcat, Minew. And if you ever get the chance to go down to Mamou, Louisiana, go pay Tilou a visit. But when you walk across his front porch look down by the front door. You gonna see a big black, burn mark. That's just a reminder for Tilou to never get married again.
